Seriously?!

Modified bed rest? Say what?! It's official, I let myself get to that point. I was so caught on in preparing for Zoey, working and chasing after Cassidy I forgot to take care of myself. The swelling in my legs and ankles got entirely way too scary yesterday. It hurt to just stand. It was tingly and itchy, like someone was inflating them to the point that they were going to burst! Then my hands kicked in. They got all tingly and numb feeling. And next to go was my face. I felt like a balloon. By laying on my left side and keeping my legs elevated above my head really helped. That's actually the only thing that helps. Which then equals=bedrest.
I have to admit, I thought I would enjoy being "lazy" for a little before Zoey comes. But I feel like I am completely helpless. And I feel bad for Cassidy. Luckily, my family rocks and they are all helping me out with her, keeping her and doing fun activities with her. But I feel like crap about it. I can't even go to the playground and play with her without my legs getting huge. And then the worry of complications comes into play. I don't want to have any of those. So pretty much I am just going to feel guilty about not being the best mommy I can be to Cassidy. It's hard to explain but I feel like I am picking one kid over the other. I know that sounds absurd, but it's the truth.
I've been drinking red raspberry leaf tea and taking my evening primrose oil capsules hoping to make labor easier. I had a nightmare ( my first) about labor last night. The doctors would not listen to me and tried to put me in the contraption that administered spinals. Jesus I woke up all freaked out. I know I can do this hypnobirthing technique, I am just worried I am going to let my mind get in the way. But I have to stop thinking that way. I wrote it out on paper so there, I have said it. Now it can be released! poof!
So soon we will be a four person family. I really can not wait.