A few of my favorite things, Christmas style

When I think about Christmas or talk about it with my friends, family or some random person that I deem fit; I picture myself as this little bundle of joy from Despicable Me. The enthusiasm she has towards this fluffy unicorn is parallel to the enthusiasm I have towards Christmas. Christmas is AWESOME. I have been told many a times I am the reincarnated Mrs. Claus, and I am a-okay with that! Now for most Christmas Enthusiasts who suffer from OCD, Obsessive Christmas Disorder, there are a lot of triggers to knowing Christmas is almost here. From the lights going up around the tree, or the smell of cinnamon pine cones here are a few of my favorite signs that Christmas is arriving.

1) Halloween is over. 

That means break out the Christmas Pandora station and get the decorations ready! Yes, I skip right over Thanksgiving. I mean, I love food, family time and yadda yadda yadda, but Thanksgiving is straight up a filler til you get to Christmas. 

2) Egg Nog. O.M.G. Egg Nog. There are a variety of flavors from pumpkin spice and vanilla. Egg Nog is dope. Even better than regular Egg Nog, spiked Egg Nog! Egg Nog is the shiznit. And the fact that it is only around for a few short months signifies that Christmas is almost near.

3) Christmas Commercials. Okay, everyone calm down! I know you have your favorite too. I mean, I have at least twenty favorite Christmas Commercials, but I will try my hardest to pick my top three favorites. 

Pretty much any Coca Cola Christmas Commercial. However this one with the seal, is one of my all time favorites. Seriously, how cute is that little bugger with the big ole eyes!

I mean, come on! This is a classic one. You hear those sweet little chocolate morsels playing their little bells and you get excited. Admit it! I know you do.

And of course, how could you leave this beaut out. I actually just saw this one on TV last night for the first time, and not gonna lie, I was wicked pumped.

4)Christmas Songs on the Radio. Well we all know what the number one Christmas song on the radio is, drum roll please!

Yep. Mariah Carey takes the cake when it comes to Christmas Songs. Judge all you wish! Her version of  All I want by Christmas is epic. Go ahead, click the link, listen to her beauteous voice and get in the Christmas Spirit people!

I also very much enjoy the 12 Days of Christmas parody that is played on the local radio stations. Cracks me up every time!

5) Christmas specials. Lifetime, ABC, Disney you name it, I will watch it. How can you go wrong with the movie plot of a girl falling in love with a man only to find out he is....SANTA! Brilliant. Also the movies they play around Christmas time are also key to getting into the Christmas Spirit and knowing Christmas is upon us:

• Elf
• Home Alone (first and second only, don't even try to watch the third)
• The Santa Claus (original is the best fo sho)
• The Grinch (original and Jim Carrey version)
• Polar Express
• Old School Claymation Christmas movies.
• Rudolph, Frosty and all the Gang!
• A Christmas story, obviously! But in order to get the FULL affect, you need to watch 24 hours of it.

The list could go on and on. I love watching all these movies. The ABC 25 Days til Christmas countdown is something I live for every year.

6) And the last but definitely not least sign of Christmas arriving. You kid (s) constantly yelling I WANT THAT! to the television. Unless the commercial for this POS toy:

I mean seriously. What the hell is this thing anyways? It is called The Ugglys Pug Electronic Best Friend? Awesome, it farts and burps? Got that covered, thanks!

So these are a few of my favorite signs that Christmas is approaching. It is almost just a month away. Here check this Christmas Countdown Clock out. Don't worry guys, I keep this app on my phone too : )

Obsessed you say? No, no no. I am dedicated!

Crafty Moms

So I am a "fan" of pinterest, aka I go on the site and sit there for hours pinning the shit out of everything. Oh hey 10 ways to a slimmer you, PIN THAT! Some kind of food with cheese in it PIN THAT too! I swear I pin almost everything and anything I come across, why? I seriously have no idea. But I think I may have learned some insight into why I am a pinning feign...

I want to be THAT crafty mom.

I will give it up to pinterest, there are tons of awesome crafting ideas on their website. They have everything from cute little paper cut out crafts to crazy building shit crafts. I mean as soon as I saw this bad boy:

I was hooked. I mean seriously, how freaking cool is this!? Who woulda thunk to tape crayons on top of a piece of paper and melt them with a hair dryer; viola masterpiece made! Well, let me tell you. It may look easy but it is not. Want to know why?

I live with a four year old and an 18 month old, I have a bajillion crayons. But I honestly do not think I have ONE that is a full crayon. They are all either broken in half or chewed on. Okay, off to the store time to buy more crayons. So then I have my fresh pack of 102 Crayola crayons (102 crayons you ask? I obviously wanted the big pack with the sparkle ones! OH, and for future parents don't waste your time buying anything other than Crayola crayons. You may feel torn because the Color Tech ones are at least five dollars cheaper but who are we kidding here, they suck. Royally) and now I am ready to be all crafty mom.Okay tape. Tape...tape? mother effer, I forgot in order for Cassidy to tape anything she needs legit an entire roll of tape. Do you know how hard it is to unwrap the presents she wraps for Christmas? I am talking it could take at least 6 minutes to unwrap the nail filer she stole out of my makeup bag. Great. So I have these stinking crayons and no tape. Now what? I decided back to the store we go to get some tape, as I am grabbing my coat and purse I notice something out of the corner of my eye. Zoey. She is facing the corner of the living room clearly up to NO good. I asked Cassidy to go check on her little sister and what followed was an ear piercing scream and Cassidy throwing herself to the ground. Little Miss Zoey decided she was going to take it upon herself to open the box of crayons and start eating them. 

Well that was it for me. I have come to terms that my potential career in becoming a crafty mom was over really before it even started. So now instead of pinning really cool craft things to do, I pin really awesome drinks to make. I mean right? You can't go wrong with vodka and juice. Maybe one day I will even freeze a plastic something in my ice cubes, that would be considered crafty, right?

I will give myself SOME credit though. This past weekend we did make some really cool hand turkeys for Thanksgiving. I mean, check mine out:

And yes, I did spell Gobble wrong. But seriously, what would be cooler than a turkey saying Gobble Gooble. Nothing. 

When I have kids

I will never do the following:

Co-Sleep
Don't you hear about those horror stories of people rolling over on top of their kid and suffocating them? I will never co-sleep when I am a mom, because my baby will sleep through the night in it's crib.

Give my baby formula
Haven't you heard of those crazy recalls with dead bugs or poison found in baby formula! Ugh, never will I give my kid formula. EVVVEEER!

Give them fast food
Do you know how gross fast food is? It is full of craptastic things that will only give my kids cancer or weight problems.

Vaccinate
Do you know vaccines can cause brain damage, mental/social disabilities such as autism and even death?! Didn't you ever read Jenny McCarthy's book?

Pick up my baby if they are crying
Don't you know this only makes the child dependent on you for it's well being? My child needs to know how to self soothe itself, or else I will cause irreversible damage to the child's independence and psyche.

Dress my kids the same
Each child is their own self, I will never dress my kids the same so they can let their personalities shine through their outfits!

Then I had kids. And let me tell you, all those things you swore you "would never do" is just a far distant, crazy memory.

How's that kid of yours that sleeps peacefully through the night? Yah, thoughts so. You will do just about anything to get a few hours of sleep, if that means co sleeping, BRING IT ON. You will be so sleep deprived you will brush your teeth with desatin, mix salt in your coffee and hate everyone who ever talks about having a "good nights rest".

Don't get me wrong I breastfed both of my kids and I wouldn't give that up for anything. But when you are sobbing hysterically because you spilled 5oz of pure gold (yes, pure gold), feel like a cow, or you just want one (okay five) stiff drinks before you lose it, formula looks like God in a powdery substance. Formula is not horrible. Let it be your choice, want to breastfeed? Awesome. Want to supplement with formula? Awesome.

Sometimes a drive through Wendys for a kids chicken nugget happens. Is it the best for your kid? Not in particular. But my piece of advice is get over it, and have a cheeseburger for yourself.

Vaccines are such a controversial subject these days. You have people who are either totally against it or totally for it. Call me a sucker but I vaccinate. Is there a scientific probability that your kid could develop something? Probably. But chances are they will just be one pissed off kid for a day, crabby and may have a fever. I would take that over Polio any day.

Pro cry it out method? That's great, but I just could not do that. Do you know how sad it is to see your little baby cry? That sad pathetic mommy I need you cry. It's not like they can communicate with you what they need, so they just let it out in adorably heart string pulling cries. Not to mention you hear your kid cry, or in fact any child cry, you will have to change your liquid gold soaked shirt. If I have created a cling-on for never letting them soothe themselves, whatever.

Dressing your kids the same. I would see photos of twins wearing the same outfit, or sisters or bothers dressing exactly alike. I would always think, oh they have one of "those" moms. Well you know what? Seeing them dress alike is pretty damn cute, and not to mention creates awesome photo moments. I am slowly turning into one of  "those" moms, and I am a-okay with it!

Bottom line. Anything you think having kids will be like is probably way off. You will do anything to survive the first few months (who am I kidding, years) and that may mean going against your pre-mommy ways. And then laughing hysterically at yourself for thinking those crazy things!