When I have kids

I will never do the following:

Co-Sleep
Don't you hear about those horror stories of people rolling over on top of their kid and suffocating them? I will never co-sleep when I am a mom, because my baby will sleep through the night in it's crib.

Give my baby formula
Haven't you heard of those crazy recalls with dead bugs or poison found in baby formula! Ugh, never will I give my kid formula. EVVVEEER!

Give them fast food
Do you know how gross fast food is? It is full of craptastic things that will only give my kids cancer or weight problems.

Vaccinate
Do you know vaccines can cause brain damage, mental/social disabilities such as autism and even death?! Didn't you ever read Jenny McCarthy's book?

Pick up my baby if they are crying
Don't you know this only makes the child dependent on you for it's well being? My child needs to know how to self soothe itself, or else I will cause irreversible damage to the child's independence and psyche.

Dress my kids the same
Each child is their own self, I will never dress my kids the same so they can let their personalities shine through their outfits!

Then I had kids. And let me tell you, all those things you swore you "would never do" is just a far distant, crazy memory.

How's that kid of yours that sleeps peacefully through the night? Yah, thoughts so. You will do just about anything to get a few hours of sleep, if that means co sleeping, BRING IT ON. You will be so sleep deprived you will brush your teeth with desatin, mix salt in your coffee and hate everyone who ever talks about having a "good nights rest".

Don't get me wrong I breastfed both of my kids and I wouldn't give that up for anything. But when you are sobbing hysterically because you spilled 5oz of pure gold (yes, pure gold), feel like a cow, or you just want one (okay five) stiff drinks before you lose it, formula looks like God in a powdery substance. Formula is not horrible. Let it be your choice, want to breastfeed? Awesome. Want to supplement with formula? Awesome.

Sometimes a drive through Wendys for a kids chicken nugget happens. Is it the best for your kid? Not in particular. But my piece of advice is get over it, and have a cheeseburger for yourself.

Vaccines are such a controversial subject these days. You have people who are either totally against it or totally for it. Call me a sucker but I vaccinate. Is there a scientific probability that your kid could develop something? Probably. But chances are they will just be one pissed off kid for a day, crabby and may have a fever. I would take that over Polio any day.

Pro cry it out method? That's great, but I just could not do that. Do you know how sad it is to see your little baby cry? That sad pathetic mommy I need you cry. It's not like they can communicate with you what they need, so they just let it out in adorably heart string pulling cries. Not to mention you hear your kid cry, or in fact any child cry, you will have to change your liquid gold soaked shirt. If I have created a cling-on for never letting them soothe themselves, whatever.

Dressing your kids the same. I would see photos of twins wearing the same outfit, or sisters or bothers dressing exactly alike. I would always think, oh they have one of "those" moms. Well you know what? Seeing them dress alike is pretty damn cute, and not to mention creates awesome photo moments. I am slowly turning into one of  "those" moms, and I am a-okay with it!

Bottom line. Anything you think having kids will be like is probably way off. You will do anything to survive the first few months (who am I kidding, years) and that may mean going against your pre-mommy ways. And then laughing hysterically at yourself for thinking those crazy things!