Crafty Moms

So I am a "fan" of pinterest, aka I go on the site and sit there for hours pinning the shit out of everything. Oh hey 10 ways to a slimmer you, PIN THAT! Some kind of food with cheese in it PIN THAT too! I swear I pin almost everything and anything I come across, why? I seriously have no idea. But I think I may have learned some insight into why I am a pinning feign...

I want to be THAT crafty mom.

I will give it up to pinterest, there are tons of awesome crafting ideas on their website. They have everything from cute little paper cut out crafts to crazy building shit crafts. I mean as soon as I saw this bad boy:

I was hooked. I mean seriously, how freaking cool is this!? Who woulda thunk to tape crayons on top of a piece of paper and melt them with a hair dryer; viola masterpiece made! Well, let me tell you. It may look easy but it is not. Want to know why?

I live with a four year old and an 18 month old, I have a bajillion crayons. But I honestly do not think I have ONE that is a full crayon. They are all either broken in half or chewed on. Okay, off to the store time to buy more crayons. So then I have my fresh pack of 102 Crayola crayons (102 crayons you ask? I obviously wanted the big pack with the sparkle ones! OH, and for future parents don't waste your time buying anything other than Crayola crayons. You may feel torn because the Color Tech ones are at least five dollars cheaper but who are we kidding here, they suck. Royally) and now I am ready to be all crafty mom.Okay tape. Tape...tape? mother effer, I forgot in order for Cassidy to tape anything she needs legit an entire roll of tape. Do you know how hard it is to unwrap the presents she wraps for Christmas? I am talking it could take at least 6 minutes to unwrap the nail filer she stole out of my makeup bag. Great. So I have these stinking crayons and no tape. Now what? I decided back to the store we go to get some tape, as I am grabbing my coat and purse I notice something out of the corner of my eye. Zoey. She is facing the corner of the living room clearly up to NO good. I asked Cassidy to go check on her little sister and what followed was an ear piercing scream and Cassidy throwing herself to the ground. Little Miss Zoey decided she was going to take it upon herself to open the box of crayons and start eating them. 

Well that was it for me. I have come to terms that my potential career in becoming a crafty mom was over really before it even started. So now instead of pinning really cool craft things to do, I pin really awesome drinks to make. I mean right? You can't go wrong with vodka and juice. Maybe one day I will even freeze a plastic something in my ice cubes, that would be considered crafty, right?

I will give myself SOME credit though. This past weekend we did make some really cool hand turkeys for Thanksgiving. I mean, check mine out:

And yes, I did spell Gobble wrong. But seriously, what would be cooler than a turkey saying Gobble Gooble. Nothing. 

Seriously, already?!

It all started in January. All of a sudden being four mean't realizing other things around her. Questions upon questions. Then it happened. It was horrible. I did not know what to do, how to act, what to say? I was shocked, appalled and for once lost for words. Those six words I dreaded finally reared their ugly heads. 

"Mommy, where do babies come from?"

When I became a mother I promised myself I would never come up with foofy nicknames for things. It is called a vagina, not a flower. Now the fact that I still have not corrected Cassidy's way of saying vagina, doesn't mean she doesn't know what that word means. She just calls it a bahgina. I mean, come on, BAHgina?! How freaking hilarious is that?! I know I should correct her, but for once I am being completely selfish and enjoying the mispronunciation. Kind of like scissors, she says zissors. I make her repeat it on a daily basis just for my pure entertainment. Anyways, vaginas and penises. We all have one or the other and my opinion is each kid should know the correct term for it. I think I would be totally freaked out if my kid came up to me and said she did a good job wiping her Twinkie...good bye Twinkies, you will never be consumed again.

Anyways, I had to deal with this question. Where do babies come from. Think Samantha, think. These are the ideas I came up with:

1) A stork! yes, perfect. A bird came and dropped the kids off to the parents. Wait, she knows I am petrified of birds and I feel like this may lead to an epidemic of her searching the skies for birds carrying kids. Okay, next...

2) Magic! You just move a magic wand and poof you have a baby. Well, this is some what correct, there is a magic wand, or stick. I got the magic stick...

3) The truth. Okay fine kid. You are four, you can totally handle the truth. Kids come from inside their mommies. Sometimes mommy's have their belly cut open and the doctor pulls out the baby OR sometimes they came out of mommy's vagina. Either way it is the most excruciating pain in the world. And the blood, good god there is a lot of blood. It is gross and icky, and birthing people is a lot of hard work. 

"Hey Cass, want a lollipop?"

"Sure!"

Crisis averted.