Facebook aka Who I wish I could be Book

Where to start? For me Facebook is a fun social media tool, using it to catch up with friends, some far some near. Posting pictures to show those a far moments of my life, special, funny, sad moments. What I have realized is that no matter how private you have your settings, it's exactly what it's meant to be....SOCIAL media. If there is something private in my life I am not going to post it, I mostly stay away from personal statuses. Why? Because it's my business, and I like to keep it that way. However, there are many people that air their dirty laundry and then get pissed when people have opinions about it. Crazy right? I would like to clarify a few things: this does not mean you have "haters" , or that people have nothing better to do than worry about you. Seriously? Are you THAT self-absorbed? If you constantly throw things in people's faces (aka posting statuses for all too see) people will talk about it. People having their own opinions....who woulda thunk! Drives me NUTS! Don't want people talking about it, stop posting it so all 1000 "friends" can see it. Seems a little too obvious, right?!

There are a few other things that drives me nuts on the book:

Happily Ever After BS. I recently saw a post with a link about a man being married and dating someone. I was super pumped, here is some steamy shit people! Alas, I was misled. Long story short, he wrote this whole thing about how he is married and is still dating his wife. Well la-ti-da. I can guarantee you this man has no young children. Regardless of all the date nights Ian and I have planned, maybe....MAYBE, 30 percent of the time it works out. The other 70 percent results in "watching a movie on the couch" aka falling asleep before 9pm with a bag of Cheetos and a pillow pet under your head. Maybe I am just cynical, but my thoughts on all these articles is it just puts pressure on our significant others. I am sure millions of women read this article and tagged their significant others in hopes that this would spark some kind of revelation in their dating minds. But all it really adds is pressure, and for me, ain't nobody got time for dat!

Sob Stories. I am sure you can pick a handful of stories that you read on facebook and just started bawling your eyes out. For me, it is the ones that have to do with animals. For example, the one with the dog. You know Tank. The dog that was left behind by the fallen solider. OH EM GEE. I read this at work. Yep, while chowing down on a bologna sandwich (remember I have kids, I don't get to eat chicken or turkey...its bologna) and I see this link to an article with a really cute dog on the front! Aww, puppy! Yah, well those mofo's wrote THE saddest story ever and lured all us innocent readers in with a cute photo on front. I couldn't stop though. I had to know what happened to Tank. By the end of the story, you know when he gets THREE balls, I was toast. A blubbering mess. If someone had walked in at that moment they would have thought someone died. Might as well of, I was sobbing hysterically! Well...hate to break it you people but that story isn't even true! DAMNIT. I cried for nothing. Touche sob story con artists touche. 

Chain Anything. If you don't repost this blog, the scary man from House of Wax is going to find you tonight and eat your toes. Yep, just your toes. Freaky, right?! I promise sharing a photo of a guy holding up a scratcher is not going to make you rich. Sharing a status about a free give away for an iPAD or Disney Cruise will not in fact allow you to actually win those things, what they do allow is for those marketing creepsters to get a hold of your personal information. Don't you think its quite suspect when the right hand side of your facebook posts ads for things you were just posting about. When I was pregnant, everything on the right hand side had to do with babies, when I got married, everything had to do with getting married. Kinda creepy now that I think about it....

So maybe I should clean out the proverbial friendships I have on facebook. Start fresh and new so this doesn't happen....

If I could see fun things on facebook from here on out that would be greatly appreciated. I love seeing photos of my friends kids, animals, husbands, third cousin twice removed! Family is awesome, it is great to be able to share that with people! Also funny jokes, I love that shit too. Or things that help you determine your stripper name, because let's face it, that is a VERY important thing to know.

Will facebook ever be drama free? Probably not, but the best thing about facebook is this button:

Playing nice is old news, it's time to play fair.

You know growing up you were always told to "play nicely" or even better "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all". I remember my parents saying this to me all the time. "just be the bigger person"  "don't stoop to their level honey" blah blah blah, you know what? Sometimes to really drive home your point, it is necessary to stop playing "nicely" and start playing fairly.
For me, being me, probably THE most blunt person you will ever come across it has been very hard to just keep quiet about certain things. I was told I need to stop being quite so blunt and maybe a little more tactful? Okay. Tactful. I can do this.
 I tried, believe me I gave it my all. But you know what would happen? Someone would piss me off, real good mind you, and I would try to be the "bigger person", apologize when I knew I was not in the wrong, agree with some batshit crazy thing they would come up with all while being very...tactful. And you know where that got me?
NO WHERE.
So I have come to the conclusion, I may be called a bitch or whatever else insult someone thinks bothers me (wake up call, if I don't care ABOUT you I couldn't care less what you think OF me) but hey at least I am being honest. Honest with me about my feelings and honest to you about how ridiculous you are acting.

So in conclusion I have decided to really go with the "do unto others, as others do unto you" mantra. You really get back what you put out right? Isn't that Karma? Isn't that why I have two outspoken, independent run for your money little ladies?

Speaking of our little ladies, look how cute they are!

4.5yrs old and 13 months old 

They are amazing. Hilarious little people.

We refer to Zoey as our sour patch kid. You know those commercials? They do heinously awful things then are cute and you forgive them...yep, that's our ZoZo! For instance, you ever have you knee bitten? She crawled up to me, climbed up my leg and decided to take a chunk of my knee cap skin and BITE it. Yep. I mean seriously, WHO does that? After, when I nearly jumped through the ceiling of our house, she crawled back up to me, gave my knee a kiss and laid her not so little cute bald head on my leg. Within that moment I forgot the intense pain this child of mine brought me not even a second ago, but this warm fuzzy lovey feeling has come over me and those big bright blueberry eyes of her bring on a slight case of amnesia. Kind of like labor (for all you ladies reading this, you will know what I am referring too), just on a completely different pain level scale.  

As for Cassidy, whew. She is one TOUGH cookie. She is way to smart. I find myself at times arguing with her and losing horribly. She has now added a lot more new words to her vocabulary, not all ones I am proud of. However there is a really hilarious story of something she said a few months ago (judge all you wish, it was freaking hilarious). 

She gets out of the shower and is shivering

"Cassidy, you cold sweetie?" - me

"Yah ma, it's fucking freezing in here" - Cassidy

"What did you just say?" - me

"It's FUCKING FREEZING in here ma!" - Cassidy

touche child touche. I could NOT keep a straight face. Trying to reprimand your child and laughing hysterically behind a towel to cover your face does not work, just FYI. Point of the whole story is yes kids swear, it happens. They hear EVERYTHING at ALL times. But the kicker to this story is the fact that she used "fuck" grammatically correct. You think that is bad? Wait til you ask her to take a picture. She will immediately pop out her hip, place her hand one it, bend her leg and give you her "attitude" face (oh hey, thanks KATE!). My four year old is not so much a four year old.

I have to admit, they are tough. They really give me and Ian a run for our money. But I wouldn't want it any other way. It would suck to have boring kids, not have hilariously outrageous stories to tell their first loves (oh and believe you, me I have TONS of awesome stories). Ian and I say they are the best parts of us. Every thing I love about me I see in them. It really is an amazing thing. I guess I will keep them ; )