Is the grass really greener?

I have this friend, well I have many a friends in these shoes, but this one in particular comes to mind. Said friend always says she cannot wait to be a mom, get married have kids and ride into the sunset on a white horse, scratch that, let's make it a unicorn. I mean who wouldn't want to ride a unicorn?! I digress, this friend often says how she cannot wait to have what I have. A husband, kids...a family. 

For a while when she first started to say this, I would smile. This is sweet of her, my life is something she is envious of. That must mean my life is pretty kick ass! Then she said it again, and I couldn't help but think...is my life really THAT kick ass? I think her life is pretty damn kick ass and there are days that I would give just about anything to walk in her shoes. Which leads me to realize:

There is such a misunderstanding of what kids and marriage really is.

Marriage is not a ride on a white unicorn galloping into the sunset. It is nowhere near the movies, unless you watch “This is 40”, that is a pretty damn accurate depiction of marriage. For better or worse? More like for worse or worser. Being married may give you a sense of stability at first, but let me tell you there are many bumps along the road. Marital Bliss? Yah, right.

And kids? Remember how people would always say, “oh it will be different when it’s your kid” WRONG-O. ( By the way, I say this all the time to my friends, jokes on you beetches)  It is still the same, kids can be obnoxious and it doesn't matter if you birthed them or not, there will be a time in your life where you will want to run away screaming, or better yet get checked into a mental hospital. I hear the food kinda sucks, but at least you will be away from that god awful Caillou brat.

Marriage and kids are such huge responsibilities. You tend to lose a bit of yourself when both of these occurrences happen in your life.

If you look at traditional wedding vows, it is all right there, in writing: “Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?” Don’t drink the Kool-Aid!! When Ian and I got married my bestfriend wrote the ceremony and we helped with the vows. I did not want to go into a contract with my husband. People mess up, a lot. That is bound to happen in a marriage, no marriage is perfect. If someone tells you they love their life all the time and their marriage is absolutely perfect, they are totally lying to you and ain’t nobody got time for that. Marriage is a J-O-B. You have to work every single day at it. From a quick text saying “thinking about you” or a grand gesture like a present (I love presents, Ian are you reading this?), these things really do matter in a marriage, but they are also the quickest to disappear.

Now onto those darling kids we all wish for. Woof. Remember that Gerber or was it Pampers?, commercial with the adorable sleeping babies! Daww, they are so stinking cute! I want one! People, they are not puppies. There is probably at least one time a week (recently more) where I sit back and think “Holy shit I am a mom”. I am raising two little girls, who are turning out to be more and more like me every day…I can barely handle myself at times, and now I have to deal with two more miniature versions of myself?! How am I going to raise them right? How will I teach them what is right and wrong? What happens if they ever get hurt? What if they grow up and hate me? Raising kids is no easy feat. You can never put yourself first after having kids. Remember driving around and listening to music, yah well that is gone. We have replaced T.I. with Kids Bop. How about when you just said whatever you wanted? That luxury is also gone, and that may be the one thing I miss the most. Cassidy is a human parrot, I shit you not. That kid has super freak hearing powers. If only they would both listen everyday, eat the food I make them, not cry about a broken pencil or fight over a face cloth (I can't believe I just wrote that, and even more so that fact that this is a true story), my life would be just dandy.

Reading this blog may seem somewhat depressing, but it is real. However there are parts I left out.

My kids are awesome. Yes they drive me to my absolute breaking point at least once every other day, but they are hilarious. And they have such an incredible sister bond, never having my own sister I love watching the bond deepen every day.

And as for marriage, my marriage is far from perfect. But it still is a pretty kick ass marriage. Ian is one of the funniest people I know, and even if I think I am batshit crazy for being madly in love with him, I take comfort in knowing he must be just the same batshit crazy for being in love with me.

So is the grass really greener? I think it depends on how you view your own grass.