Hard.

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
~Eskimo proverb

 

Jennie and Me at Molly's Bachelorette Party

 

It is never easy losing someone you love. Someone who you never expected to never get to see again. Unexpected death, especially at a young age is just cruel. Times like these I struggle with believing the world is right. I wish I was more religious in times like these. Fall back on the whole "God has a higher plan" stuff. It makes it easier, doesn't it? Coping with a loss or something terrible, being able to believe it all happened for a reason seems much easier. But I find myself struggle with that, especially in this case. Jennie was hilarious. My bestfriend's sister. We shared a lot of fun times, drinking whiskey and hating on stupid boys, laughing about the clumsy things Molly always did. She had an amazing smile, one of those smiles that just made you smile back. I don't even know what to say to Molly. She is so incredibly strong right now. How she is able to handle everything she has been though this year amazes me. Not being able to hug her right now kills me. We have been through so much together for nine years. Through breakups, makeups, family problems, pregnancies, marriages we have always been there for eachother. Being there for her right now is so important to me. No one ever thinks about how losing a sibling would be, I never once thought that Molly and I would have something like this in our relationship. How do you console your bestfriend at a time like this? I hope I am doing what she needs. Just being here.

 

As we find out life is very cylical, with one tragic loss there is an amazing new life. That amazing new life would be my Godson, Dylan. Where do I even begin? I was so excited to find out my brother and Caitlin were pregnant again. I couldn't wait to get in my baby fix. When my brother asked me to be Dylan's Godmother I was even more excited. I felt honored. When the day came that he was going to be born, again all i could feel was excitement. When I was able to first go visit him, I couldn't believe it. He was perfect. Something hit me when I was holding him. I thought to myself, we are going to have an amazing connection. I loved him instantly, would protect him from anything. He means the world to me already, and he is only a few days old! Our lives together will be great, and I can't wait to get to fall more in love with him each day.

Dylan smiles!

 

Today is a hard day, tomorrow will be a new one. All I know is I am hugging my loved ones every chance I get. My nana always said to hug more, I think she was on to something.