I always start blogs but never quite finish them. I am hoping I can actually start this and finish it, well til atleast the baby comes. Which is the reason I want to start this. I am on my phone more than anything so I figure I can atleast take 2 mins out of my day and write a couple of sentences down about how I am feeling. So here it goes:
Excited. More than anything I am excited. Being a second time mommy is tough though. My stomach never went back to the way it was (more my fault than anything) so I am a little self conscience about that. But if that is the only thing I have to worry about this pregnancy that would be just fine by me!
Eager. I feel like this is taking forever already and I am only 16wks4days, that means I have 165 more days til this beautiful baby Nicholson joins our family. That seems like foooorever. I know it isn't though, that time will fly. It's just tough this time around because I know what to look forward to, the baby really kicking and moving, she ( I am guessing she, although I would be SHOCKED if it were a he, I'm not that lucky :]) has been a moving machine already. I started feeling "quickening" around 9wks this time, that is half the time it took me when I was pregnant with Cassidy. But this time I know what the signs are and the feelings. And let me tell you, they are great. Just feeling the little one move inside me is a constant reminder of my love for Ian.
Love. I have not felt this much love in a long time. Things were rough with Ian and myself for a while. I was confused as to whether or not we should be together. It was gut wrenching. I knew I wanted to be with him, and he wanted to be with me, but just confused on if being together was the right choice. Sometimes love just isn't enough. There were other things going on that didn't help the situation on both me and Ian's part but when we both got our acts together it was like the old us. He used to hold me in his arms and cry before I had to go back to school. He just never wanted to be apart from me. We would talk about our future, which is ironic because this is the exact future we talked about always wanting to have. The love we had for eachother 4 years ago was crazy. It was movie like. Than real life hit us and the "honeymoon" phase was over. We overcame a lot and ended up together. My dad put it perfectly at the rehearsal dinner, we didn't marry because we had a child together, we married eachother because we love eachother and want to be together. I think about it, and down the road our children will be old and grown and leave us for their own lives. If we had been married just for the sake of the kids, where would that leave us when they left us? Alone, and not happy. But I am not worried about that anymore. I know he loves me, wants his forever and always with me and I want the same with him.
Nervous. Another thing to this second pregnancy is I worry way more than I ever did before with Cassidy. I feel so much more now being pregnant for the second time. I had morning sickness, cramping wicked fatigue. I had all the "text book" symptoms and it suuucked. Also I am concerned about gaining a lot of weight. I have already gained about 10 pounds. I need to make sure I do not blow up like I did last time, so no dairy queen for me! Which is okay, but I crave sweets and carbs. God I wish I craved celery and lettuce.
But overall, I am feeling pretty great. Married life is ahhhmazing. Well lets be honest, the sex is fabulous! ;]
No comments:
Post a Comment